Coming home….

Last week I took the oath to become a Canadian Citizen, eight & a half years after I visited Vancouver for the first time. During those years I’ve experienced some of the most intense, painfully beautiful & peace centred moments of my life & even though there were times when I felt as though I was living an emotional Tsunami, I’m deeply grateful for every second, every experience & every person who has been a part of it, no matter how it might’ve seemed at the time.

The citizenship ceremony touched me very deeply & as we were welcomed onto 1st Nation’s territory, as speeches were made & as I listened to others share, I knew that I was completing a circle not only for me as an individual but for my ancestors. I cried throughout most of the ceremony as I knew without a doubt that I was returning to the land where I’d started many lifetimes ago. I tangibly felt the presence of my physically dead parents & of my ancestors all of whom were holding me in a gentle, solid embrace almost as though they were confirming what I was feeling.

There were a 100 of us from 30 different countries & we all had our own story & reason for coming. Some like me had chosen to come & others had been torn away from their family, friends & country. I hold them in the deepest respect & am very aware of the privileges that I have as a white woman coming from England. We had the opportunity to share in small groups discussing what had brought us to that day, the differences we felt it would make in our lives & what becoming a Canadian Citizen meant to us. The words that came up again & again were ‘home’, ‘belonging’, ‘community’, ‘safe’, ‘opportunities’, ‘responsibility’, ‘friendliness’, ‘ability to vote & be involved’, ‘gratitude’, ‘relief’. It was overwhelming to witness such deep & authentic sharing.

As I drove home that night, the sky was clear & full of the brightest stars. I said to them, “I’ll be walking under you in the morning as a different person” & I knew in that moment that the past was done & everything up until then was over. It was finished, the circle was complete & it was all for a much greater purpose than I could ever imagine. I was closing a circle for many generations & I had to be on this land, right here, right now for that to happen. Tears flowed through me like water breaking through a dam. Relief & release from the depths of my bones, grief but not sadness, ending & beginning, known & unknown & all divinely beautiful & ok.

The week before the ceremony, I found myself printing out photos of my family (most of whom are dead), framing them & surrounding myself with them. The nomad in me is calling for a physical home, a place from where I can venture & always return to. I’ve never desired this before, I’ve simply moved from one place to another & so I witness this with reverence, beauty & a smile. The night of the ceremony, I sat looking at an old photo of my parents & was flooded with love for them, for the roles that they played in my life & for their energetic presence right now. My parents, grandparents, great grandparents, brother, aunt & uncle all had smiles in their eyes thanking me for listening to my inner voice, for following their guidance & for coming to this moment of such importance. They’re holding me & I’m allowing myself to be held.

It’s taking me to a place beyond trust, beyond doubt, beyond identity. I’m here, now, living my life from the inside out, handing the details over to the universe & expanding into the excellence that is all of us. The anchor is down & the freedom is greater. The anchor is in my heart, in my soul & in my body. There’s no disappearing, no floating away, simply evolution on a grander & greater scale, serving all of humanity from a place of completeness.

Loving you in deep gratitude.

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