Since I arrived in Colquitt Georgia, a little over two weeks ago I’ve been dreaming like crazy & unraveling things that I didn’t even know were ravelled. The vibration in this part of the world is connecting with the same vibration in me & bringing things up to be seen & hugged into harmony.
One particular unraveling started the other night just as I was falling asleep. I went to turn away from the bedside table towards the wall which is my usual thing, when I caught myself & realized that I was in a way turning my back on my self & life. I stopped & said, “I will never turn my back on me again”. It was huge. As I drifted off I asked my self to bring into consciousness any issues that were keeping me stuck. I then had this dream – I was taking a journey into the mythic realms of my existence & realized that I was piggy backing on my greater self’s back. As soon as I realized what I was doing, I asked her to let me down. I felt that I was safe & wanted to explore on my own two feet. As I ventured along with her by my side, I felt excited & the whole experience was so much more fulfilling. Everything was brighter, more alive & full of so much potential & fun.
In the morning as I put my feet on the floor, I paused for a moment, connected with them & how they felt. “Ok, I’ll give life a go in these feet”, I said. Nothing fixed, just giving it a go. Then as I was doing my yoga, I heard my inner voice say, “I’ll never leave me again”. Another huge moment. And why would I want to anymore?
Since then, I’ve been consciously catching myself, noticing a part of my body & saying “Ok, I’ll give life a go in these hands, these eyes, this body etc”. It’s time to walk in my own shoes now, no-one else’s & it feels good. I’m letting the breath of life seep into my being & fully embody me. I realize that I’ve been sending messages to my body all my life, telling it that I’ve wanted it to be anything other than what it is – to be slimmer, more lithe, less stiff, funnier, more creative, more anything else to make me feel better. Isn’t this what I was doing with parts of my past too. Trying to make them different, make them better. But what is better really? Isn’t ‘better’ when we fully embody who we are, the body we’ve chosen, the life we’ve chosen?
Trying to be another body just doesn’t work & doesn’t bring any benefit for anyone. It’s living a double life but not living either of them fully. Certainly not life to its fullest potential. I now hear the words “Breath in my breath. It’s who You are”. I see myself as an inflatable being that has only be partially inflated because of my resistance & unconsciousness. Now I’m pumping in the air to be a fully expanded being, floating & flowing whilst being fully connected to the here & now.
This is the least I can do for this incredible body, after all, I did choose it. I’m here & I’m now. Good to see you here too.