Time to get real? Maybe it is. Gently though very gently. Not only for me but for everyone involved. It’s time to decide – do I use the experiences that life has given me to support others in understanding their experiences? Or do I keep my self compartmentalized dealing with life from a ‘hole’ rather than a ‘whole’? As I write this my heart protector point on the left side of my back is making its presence known telling me that whatever I do, it’s wanting to be gentle, with a sense of cradling. Nothing rough. Nothing too fast. Nothing violent.
I’ve just finished my fourth session of hospice training and I’m never ceased to be amazed at how every single breath, action, experience, moment appears to be orchestrated by some absolute awe inspiring force that seems voiceless, formless, characterless and yet has voice, form, character in each being, plant, thing, in all that exists.
Today and what we have been shown is what has ignited me to write from my heart as a whole and not from a hole. I know that I’ve been supported in so many ways by so many people and often by that invisible force that as I came to a point of being able to lean back into, it mysteriously and completely came up to support me. In my feeling that we can never make mistakes or errors, we can also never fall. Although we are all exactly where we’re supposed to be, doing exactly what we’re supposed to be doing, we can’t actually fall anywhere but it seems that we have to be ready to fall and then as we do, it’s in that ‘in between’ place of having the courage to fall and then allowing ourselves to fall that the magic of creation and expansion happens. That place of ‘oh sh*t’, tummy bubbles, nervousness mixed with excitement. That’s the place of pushing past our believed limitations, walking through the imagined walls of the imagined box, seeing and lifting up the ‘so real’ veils that have kept us living from that ‘hole’ rather than living as the ‘whole’.
Recently I realised that I’ve been living a ‘compartmentalised’ existence which has been perfect in protecting me, allowing me to live, be, experience etc. up until this moment but a force that’s far greater than me, does not want to exist like this anymore. It wants to live the most extraordinary life possible and to do that I know that it’s time to walk into the ‘hole’, invite all of the parts, experiences that I’ve put in their own compartment to a great and bountiful feast of renewal and re-membering.